Day 11: Lostwithiel — Finding Peace in Boundaries

Today was another day without any miles.

We're still waiting for the replacement parts for the VOK, so for now the journey remains paused. Hopefully it won't be too much longer before we're back on the road.

Before I talk about anything else, I want to say a huge thank you to VOK and Fully Charged.

They have believed in this journey since the very first email. Acknowledging it is a slightly crazy idea but worth supporting.

Quite simply, this journey would not be possible without VOK. It isn't just a bike; it's the piece of equipment that makes this entire mission achievable. The VOK would not have been on our radar if it wasn’t for the team at Fully Charged.

Everyone at Fully Charged has been phenomenal throughout this process, and while we wait for the replacement parts to arrive, they've continued to support this journey in every way they can.

I also want to be very clear about something.

The VOK didn't let me down.

Fully Charged didn't let me down.

This wasn't a fault with the equipment or with the people who built it.

It was my mistake.

This is a very expensive piece of equipment that I was careless with. This journey isn’t about just one person; it is about the team of people who make it possible.

Part of the commitment I've made to myself over the last seventeen months is taking responsibility for my actions instead of looking for someone else to blame when things go wrong.

Making mistakes is part of learning, and this journey is no different.

What matters is owning them, learning from them and doing everything you can to make sure they don't happen again.

I'd also like to thank The Royal Oak here in Lostwithiel for kindly agreeing to accept delivery of the replacement parts for us. They've shown us genuine kindness during our stay and, if you ever find yourself in Lostwithiel, I'd genuinely recommend stopping in for a meal or a drink.

They've certainly been the highlight of our time here.

Lostwithiel itself has been a very different experience.

Every town has its own personality. Some places make you feel welcome before you've even played the first note. Others never quite do.

Lostwithiel has felt like one of those places.

It hasn't felt hostile, but it also hasn't felt welcoming. There has been a noticeable feeling that this is a close-knit community, and perhaps we're simply passing through it rather than becoming part of it.

Because of that, I've decided not to busk here.

Busking depends on connection. If I don't feel that connection, I'd rather wait for the next town than force something that doesn't feel right.

One of the things I had genuinely been looking forward to while I was here was playing for the residents of a local care home that had contacted me to arrange a performance.

Both my business partner and I know how much live music can mean to people living in care. Sometimes a familiar song unlocks memories, starts conversations and brings joy in a way very little else can.

Instead, an employee from the care home turned up at my van at one o'clock in the morning after drinking.

My van isn't just where I keep my piano.

It's my home.

What upset me wasn't simply that someone arrived late at night. It was the expectation that they had a right to access me because they wanted to meet me. It was a violation of my privacy and disrespectful to more than just me.

Over the last seventeen months, while preparing for this journey, I've spent just as much time rebuilding myself as I have planning how to do this properly.

This journey didn't begin when I left Land's End.

It began when I decided I didn't want to keep repeating the same patterns that had defined so much of my life.

I've worked on understanding my ADHD.

I've worked on my recovery.

I've worked on managing my emotions.

I've worked on understanding disappointment.

I've worked on learning who I want to be and what kind of future I want to build.

One of the biggest parts of that process has been learning about boundaries.

For most of my life, I wasn't very good at them. I found it difficult to say no. I worried about disappointing people and often confused being available with being supportive.

Today I understand something very different.

Boundaries aren't walls.

They're how we protect the life we're trying to build.

They protect our recovery, our peace, our relationships and our purpose.

Some people have told me I've changed.

They're right, I have.

But the last seventeen months haven't been about becoming somebody different.

They've been about becoming more of the person I've always wanted to be.

Growth changes people.

Recovery changes people.

Purpose changes people.

That's exactly what they're supposed to do.

I've realised that not everybody celebrates those changes.

Some people were more comfortable with the version of me that was constantly struggling than the version that's trying to build a future.

I don't say that with anger, I say it with understanding.

Growth changes relationships too.

Some grow with you, some don't.

And that's okay.

One of the biggest things I've learned over these last seventeen months is that protecting the future I'm trying to build sometimes means disappointing people.

It means saying no, and creating boundaries.

It means accepting that not everyone will understand them.

For a long time, I thought boundaries pushed people away, now I realise they protect the things that matter most.

They're one of the reasons I'm still clean.

One of the reasons I'm healthier.

One of the reasons PianoManOfficial and the PianoMission have become long-term plans instead of short-lived dreams.

I'm still learning. I hope I always will be.

But I know now that healthy boundaries aren't selfish. They're necessary.

I've also realised that boundaries have changed the way I think about support.

Not everybody who says they support you understands your boundaries.

Not everybody who understands your boundaries supports your growth.

Learning the difference between those two things has helped me manage my expectations, protect my peace and become much less disappointed when words don't quite match reality.

That's something I want to talk about next.

Because saying, "I support you," is easy.

Understanding what those words actually require is something else entirely.

— James

Day 11 Counter
Lostwithiel
Miles travelled: 0
Average speed: N/A
Elevation gain: 0 ft
Elevation loss: 0 ft
Locations busked: 0

Journey Total
Total miles travelled: 89.3
Total locations busked: 6